


I'm Yours

by Rhapsody0607



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Queertical Role
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Female Character, Demiromantic, Demisexuality, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 19:58:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhapsody0607/pseuds/Rhapsody0607
Summary: It’s odd. Rukiya came to college with zero intention of developing any significant emotional attachments. The ache left behind by Rinan’s death is slowly dulling as time goes on. Regardless, she was wholly unprepared for this girl in her life. A girl that is still unaware of the implications of her actions, unaware that holding hands and cheek kissing and lap sitting could all be easily misinterpreted.ORRyfika College AU where science and magic coexist.





	I'm Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Rukiya is a dark skinned half elf woman, with warm brown eyes and dark brown hair.  
> Ryleigh is a pale skinned human woman, with striking violet eyes and blonde hair.

When Rukiya arrived this morning, her resident assistant gave her a dorm key and a slip of paper. On it was the name and major of her roommate: Ryleigh Alastair, Mass Communications. Her dorm is simple. Two beds, two desks, two wardrobes, and a shared nightstand. The walls are white and all the furniture is cheap wood. She’s been moving in for a few hours now, unpacking several boxes and setting up her side of the room. 

 

She’s attempting to hang a poster above her bed when she hears a few hesitant knocks at the door. As the door opens, Rukiya’s eyes land a beautiful human girl with long blonde hair pulled away from her face by braids. She’s dressed in a charcoal grey tank top that’s sitting under a black leather jacket, her black skinny jeans are torn across the thigh and reveal some of her pale skin, and black motorcycle boots complete her ensemble. Striking violet eyes lock onto Rukiya’s and she’s stunned by how alluring they are. 

 

“Rukiya?” She says after glancing at a piece of paper in her hand.

 

Rukiya bounces off her bed and sticks her hand out in greeting. “That’s me. I assume you’re Ryleigh?”

 

“I am,” Ryleigh answers, setting her large duffle bag and motorcycle helmet on the bare mattress opposite Rukiya’s already made bed. She takes Rukiya’s hand in a firm shake. “It said you were a journalism major?”

 

“Guilty,” Rukiya smirks. “My paper said your major was mass communications.”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“At least we’ll have one thing in common,” Rukiya grins at the blonde; she almost forgets how to words when Ryleigh winks at her. “The RA told me that the test we took before signing up for an on campus dorm ‘scientifically works to find your optimal match’ but maybe she told me that because they just don’t want us to complain about who we’re paired with,” Rukiya half rambles, before noting that Ryleigh hasn’t let go of her hand, and that she seems completely unbothered by the prolonged contact. After a few more seconds, she gently pulls her hand from Ryleigh’s and takes a seat on her bed. “Not much of a talker?”

 

“This conversation hasn’t exactly whipped me into a verbal frenzy,” Ryleigh says. 

 

“Well, why don’t we ask each other some questions, so we can get to know each other better?” Rukiya asks tentatively.

 

“Do you mind if I unpack while we do?” 

 

“Not at all. So, why mass communications?”

 

There’s some heat to Ryleigh’s tone when she says, “I want to shove the injustices of the world in the faces of those who think they can ignore it.”

 

Rukiya hums in approval, giving Ryleigh a smile that’s definitely more of a smirk. She adds, “Me too, I want to pursue the truth and bring justice to those who think they’re above it.”

 

Ryleigh begins taking her clothes out of her duffle bag and placing them into her wardrobe. After a few silent moments, she turns to Rukiya, running a hand through her hair. “I can be jumpy sometimes, so I’d like to know if I should expect someone dropping by regularly. Do you have any family or a boyfriend or a girlfriend I should know about?” 

 

“No, I don’t have anyone who would stop by,” Rukiya says, but offers no more explanation. To her surprise, Ryleigh doesn’t press her for a more in depth answer. She finds it refreshing. “What about you?”

 

“I have a brother, but he won’t be dropping by… and I don’t have any other family. I’ve been in foster care since I was 13,” Ryleigh says solemnly, finishing up her wardrobe, then pulling out some tattered sheets and an old comforter to make her bed. 

 

Rukiya crosses the short distance between their beds and lays a gentle hand on Ryleigh’s shoulder in comfort. Ryleigh looks at Rukiya’s hand, then into her eyes. There’s a few moments of silence exchanged between them, before Ryleigh takes Rukiya’s hand in hers. 

 

“Sorry, that’s a bit heavy for our ‘get to know you’ conversation, isn’t it?” 

 

“There’s no need to apologize.” Rukiya gives Ryleigh’s hand a quick squeeze before dropping it to wave off the apology. “However, this next question is a make or break it thing…” Rukiya schools her features, taking on a serious tone when she says, “Pineapple on pizza - yes or no?”

 

It makes Ryleigh laugh. “No. Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza. Or at least not on mine.” 

 

There’s a genuine smile that spreads across Ryleigh’s features, like she wasn’t expecting such a silly question. Rukiya’s struck by how much younger Ryleigh looks when she laughs or smiles. They’ve known each other for less than fifteen minutes and Rukiya can already tell that Ryleigh’s haunted by something. She decides right then that she wants to make Ryleigh laugh and smile as often as possible. 

 

As Ryleigh’s laughter dies, she asks, “Would you like to go for  a ride with me on my motorcycle?”

 

“Now?” Rukiya asks with a quirked eyebrow.

 

Ryleigh smooths out the old comforter that’s now covering her bed before she reaches into her duffle bag and pulls out a tarnished silver photo frame. She carefully places it on the nightstand, facing her bed. After a moment of staring at the photograph, she shrugs and answers Rukiya, “Only if you want to.” 

 

“Sure, sounds like fun,” Rukiya says brightly.

 

Grabbing her helmet, Ryleigh hands it to Rukiya before taking her hand and leading them out of the dorm. Rukiya’s slightly surprised that she lets the other woman do so, because she’s not usually one to follow, but she feels like there’s something special about Ryleigh. 

 

\---

 

They become fast friends, having far more in common than just journalism. Their study habits are the same, they have many of the same classes, and their end goals are similar. 

 

In the second week of class, Ryleigh fell into friendship with a pink tiefling after she put an end to some frat boys bullying the girl. Rukiya could practically feel the waves of fury rolling off Ryleigh as she confronted them, it’s the beginning of Rukiya learning about Ryleigh’s anger issues. They talk about it, but only briefly, and Rukiya starts to learn a lot more about her friend over the next few weeks. 

 

She learns that Ryleigh is a very tactile person and Rukiya has only recently grown used to the way Ryleigh is constantly touching her - holding her hand, touching her face, kissing her forehead. Admittedly, Rukiya initially thought that Ryleigh was coming onto her, but now, it’s part of their routine. Rukiya’s also not sure Ryleigh knows that her small touches could be interpreted as something  _ more _ , not that Rukiya wants it to be anything more. Definitely not. 

 

In the fourth week of class, Ryleigh drags her out to lunch with the pink tiefling, Seirixori. Ryleigh introduces Rukiya as “her best friend” and it makes her smile, but she promptly ignores the butterflies in stomach - she’s just hungry. That’s another thing Rukiya’s realized about Ryleigh - she’s blunt, to the point, she says exactly what she means to. 

 

They’re in the process of finishing up their meal when Ryleigh asks if the bullies have said anything else to Seirixori. 

 

“Actually, they haven’t. I thought it was weird because they usually make fun of me on my way to class. Now they avoid me like the plague,” Seirixori comments, eyeing Ryleigh.

 

“I told them that if they so much as looked at you again, I’d feed them their own eyeballs,” Ryleigh says seriously, anger dusting her cheeks with pink.

 

When Seirixori points out how dramatic that is, Rukiya finds herself laughing alongside Seirixori. Ironically, she was about to say the same thing. 

 

She soon discovers that Ryleigh doesn’t sleep very often, and when she does, Rukiya is frequently woken by Ryleigh’s tossing and turning, or some nights, Ryleigh’s whimpers and screams. When she finally dares to ask, Ryleigh confesses that she suffers from night terrors. It’s an interesting thing to learn about Ryleigh, but not nearly as interesting as the fact that sleepy Ryleigh is somehow even more tactile than wide awake Ryleigh. 

 

It’s nearing midnight in the middle of the week and Ryleigh’s snuggled on Rukiya’s bed, strong fingers twisted in the fabric of Rukiya’s sweatshirt. It seems like just a minute ago they were watching a documentary Seirixori recommended on ocean life, and the next minute Ryleigh’s snoring softly, her head on Rukiya’s shoulder and her fingers pinning Rukiya to the bed with a deceptively strong grip on her clothing. 

 

Rukiya’s not entirely sure what to do, she knows Ryleigh hasn’t slept in a few days. “Ryleigh,” she whispers, trying to shake her gently awake, but Ryleigh barely moves. She just mumbles and scoots closer to Rukiya, her face nosing further into Rukiya’s shoulder. She  _ could _ try harder to wake the blonde, but Ryleigh looks so peaceful and content that Rukiya would feel a little guilty. She can attempt to leave her bed and fall asleep in Ryleigh’s, but it’s not that big of a deal to share a bed with her best friend. People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Right?

 

Except, Ryleigh’s body is so warm and pressed up against Rukiya’s side in a way that’s making it hard for her to consider any of her feelings as strictly friendly. Ryleigh’s warm breath is puffing against Rukiya’s neck, and when Rukiya tries to shift off her bed, Ryleigh just mumbles again and grips at Rukiya’s sweatshirt more firmly. With a sigh, Rukiya concedes the battle, deciding that it won’t kill her to let Ryleigh sleep in her bed. It doesn’t change anything between them, and Rukiya can be in control of her own damn feelings.

 

Grateful that she changed into something she can sleep in, Rukiya lets herself settle down into the mattress before attempting to turn over on her side. It’s an immediate mistake. Ryleigh lets go of her sweatshirt, but winds her arm around Rukiya’s waist to pull her closer. Suddenly Rukiya’s back is flush against Ryleigh’s front. 

 

It takes her a good ten minutes to relax, but she manages it, tangling her fingers with the ones sliding over her stomach and letting herself imagine that she could have this for a moment. She lets herself imagine a world where if she wanted to, she could turn over her shoulder and kiss Ryleigh good night. That Ryleigh would murmur soft affections against her skin, that Ryleigh would know who she is and still love her, or that her crush on her best friend wouldn’t be so unrequited. After another ten minutes, with Rukiya’s imagination squirming, she falls asleep to the sound of Ryleigh breathing against the back of her neck and a warm palm at the top of her abdomen.

 

It’s still dark outside when Rukiya wakes. She feels uncharacteristically well rested, but Ryleigh’s no longer in her bed. 

 

“Ryleigh?” Rukiya’s voice is a little rough with sleep, her brain is a little foggy, but she sits up, spotting the blonde at her desk. Ryleigh’s twisting her fingers together and she has a worried look on her face. 

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Ryleigh says immediately, looking at her hands. 

 

Rukiya has the strongest urge to sink back onto her mattress and fall asleep, but Ryleigh looks so concerned that she forces the desire down. “What for?”

 

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep on you, or in your bed. I just… I know-”

 

“Ryleigh,” Rukiya cuts her off, “it’s fine.” She reaches out a hand to Ryleigh in an attempt to draw her closer. 

 

“I feel bad about it though. I know… you’re not like me. You also value your space, and I-”

 

“I said it was fine, really,” Rukiya says because she feels ridiculously relaxed, and she wants to wipe that sad, worried look off Ryleigh’s face. “Please, just come back to bed.”

 

Staring at Rukiya’s outstretched hand, Ryleigh takes several seconds before she stands from the desk and paces back to Rukiya’s bed. “Are you sure?” She asks, sliding in next to Rukiya yet again.

 

Rukiya’s already halfway back to sleep, glancing at her clock she says, “It’s six in the morning, and I’m sure that I don’t have class until nine and neither do you.”

 

When her alarm goes off at eight, Rukiya’s head is tucked into Ryleigh’s shoulder and they’re tangled together once more. 

 

\---

 

Rukiya is certain she woke Ryleigh up this morning. She forgot to set her alarm, waking up ten minutes before her 8:00 am class was supposed to start. Dashing around their small dorm room, Rukiya dressed in whatever was closest and ran out of the door. 

 

She makes it to class only ten minutes late. Of course, there’s a sign hanging on the door:  **Professor Daedi’s 8am Class Canceled.** Groaning in frustration, Rukiya walks back toward her dorm, stopping at the student union to pick up coffee for her and Ryleigh. She knows Ryleigh doesn’t have class until 9:30 am, so she’ll be there when Rukiya gets back.

 

Fumbling with her key, Rukiya manages to balance the coffees and open the door quietly, in case Ryleigh is still asleep. She isn’t, she’s changing, and Rukiya nearly drops the coffees she’s holding. Ryleigh’s body goes rigid, like she’s been caught doing something embarrassing, and Rukiya suddenly understands why the blonde has been modest. She’s never changed in front Rukiya, she always wears long sleeves and pants, even to sleep. Ryleigh’s body is littered with scars, the kind that someone else gives you. 

 

Ryleigh said she was a foster kid, but Rukiya had no idea she was abused. Unconsciously moving forward, Rukiya sets down the coffees and walks up behind Ryleigh, who hasn’t moved a muscle since Rukiya opened the door. 

 

“I thought you had class…” Ryleigh says in a hushed tone, her voice cracking slightly. 

 

“It was canceled when I got there. Ryleigh, I…” Rukiya starts, but what can she say - I’m sorry? What happened? Who did this to you? She hesitantly reaches out, her fingertips brushing along one of the newer scars, still pink against the pale of Ryleigh’s skin. 

 

Ryleigh stiffens at her touch, and Rukiya almost pulls her hand away, but her heart tells her Ryleigh needs this, so she presses it fully against Ryleigh’s scarred back. “You’re safe, Ryleigh. No one is going to hurt you here. I promise.”

 

“You can’t promise that,” Ryleigh whispers.

 

Usually it’s Ryleigh who initiates the physical contact between them, but it’s Rukiya wrapping her arms around Ryleigh’s waist, pulling the blonde close, her cheek pressing to the back of Ryleigh’s neck. 

 

Rukiya is careful that her tone is gentle, yet firm when she says, “I can promise that. This room, our room, is a safe place. I won’t let anyone hurt you here, including us.”

 

After feeling a slight tremble from the blonde, and hearing a soft sniffle, Rukiya realizes that Ryleigh’s crying. She continues to hold her best friend close, overwhelmed by the need to protect her. Rukiya starts pressing feather light kisses to Ryleigh’s back, along some of the most prominent scars, whispering comforting reassurances. It’s more intimate than anything friends  _ should _ do, but Rukiya doesn’t care. She wants Ryleigh to know she’s not alone, that she’s safe. 

 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Rukiya softly suggests.  

 

Ryleigh’s hand runs over hers as she leans back into Rukiya’s embrace. “I’d like you to know, but it’s okay if…” Ryleigh sighs and tangles her fingers with the ones around her waist “...it’s heavy and I don’t want to ruin your day.”

 

“I’m with you, Ry…” Rukiya says, the nickname rolling off her lips with ease, but it’s quickly followed by a dull ache in her chest “...I’m here if you want to tell me.”

 

“I had a great home until I was 13.” Ryleigh twists out of the hug, throwing on a t-shirt before taking Rukiya’s hand and leading them to her bed, where Ryleigh perches on its edge. “He and his daughter were kind and understanding. I loved them so much, my brother and I both did. But then…”

 

Ryleigh’s staring at their joined hands, using her free one to wipe angrily at the tears on her cheeks. “Kizer and I were at the market getting food for dinner when a human boy pulled a gun on the cashier. Kizer always had a way of connecting with people, so he tried to convince the boy that there was another way… that he didn’t have to rob or hurt someone to get what he needed.” 

 

When Ryleigh looks up at her, Rukiya’s startled. Ryleigh’s eyes are so bright, swimming in tears, with vulnerability swirling in their depths. 

 

“The boy looked like he was only a few years older than me - his eyes were desperate. In the end, he handed Kizer the gun… just as the city guard arrived. They shot Kizer without a second thought. They saw a tiefling with a gun… not a man who just resolved the situation.” Ryleigh’s eyes close as she takes a shaky breath, but when they open again, they’re blazing with anger. “The human boy ran when he heard the gunshots, they never caught him. Sometimes, I still hear the cashier’s screams in my dreams. Kizer died with my hands pressed to his chest… and the last thing he heard were my pleas for him to stay.”

 

Ryleigh’s face contorts with pain when she says, “Kizer spent his last few minutes alive trying to comfort me, to reassure me that he’d always be with me… he died believing I’d be angry with him for leaving. I did nothing but cry while he bled out.”

 

“Listen to me, Ry.” Rukiya understands loss and the ache it leaves behind, she’s been there. First when Rinan died, then when she walked away from her family, and even though that was by choice, she still felt the loss. Cupping Ryleigh’s face, Rukiya waits for Ryleigh’s eyes to meet hers. “It wasn’t your fault. You were a child. There was nothing you could have done.”

 

Rukiya can see the doubt painted on Ryleigh’s features before she starts to speak. “I spent years in and out of some of the worst foster homes. There were people who beat me, some who starved me, others put out their cigarettes on my skin just to see if I’d scream.” Ryleigh shakes her head, letting out a humorless laugh. “All because I did nothing that day… I didn’t stop the boy from running away. I didn’t yell at the guards not to shoot. I froze and Kizer died. I let him die…”

 

“You didn’t deserve any of those things, Ryleigh,” Rukiya fiercely says, she doesn’t know how to make Ryleigh understand that none of it was her fault, that accidents happen, that she isn’t to blame. “You aren’t responsible for the actions of others.” She gently brushes Ryleigh’s tears away as she continues, “Do you hear me? You didn’t deserve to be hurt by those people. They were wrong. They were in a position of authority and took advantage of it. You aren’t being punished for your actions that day.” Rukiya waits a few seconds before repeating, “It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Ryleigh lets out a sob, before pulling Rukiya closer. She softly runs her hands through Ryleigh’s hair, while Ryleigh’s hands grip onto Rukiya’s shirt like she’s afraid she’ll disappear. Rukiya’s not sure how long they stay like that, wrapped up in each other. Not that it matters, Rukiya would hold Ryleigh as long as she needs. 

 

Eventually, Ryleigh’s sobs soften and she mumbles, “I have class.”

 

“Let’s skip,” Rukiya responds. “There are two new documentaries on Netflix that we could watch instead.” 

 

“You don’t even like documentaries.”

 

Feigning indignation, Rukiya says, “How  _ dare _ you.”

 

It makes Ryleigh chuckle, and Rukiya smiles at the sound.

 

\---

 

She’d deny it if anyone asked, but lately Rukiya’s been low-key daydreaming about Ryleigh - like she is right now.

 

It’s not her fault that the blonde, who’s sitting crossed legged on her own bed, looks so adorable with her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders and her brow furrowed in concentration. 

 

As Rukiya watches, Ryleigh rubs at the temples of her head, sighing in defeat. “I’m never going to remember all this. There’s no way I’m going to pass this exam. My scholarship is going to get revoked and I’m going to end up back in Ascus.” Ryleigh groans and throws her head back against the wall, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

Rukiya gets up, walking over to Ryleigh’s bed before leaning over to grab Ryleigh’s hands. She gently tugs at them. “You’re not going to fail. Why don’t we go food? Reenergize, then come back and hit the books. We’ve been studying for hours and it’s been too long since we both ate.”

 

“Are you saying that the five cups of coffee we had isn’t enough energy?” Ryleigh retorts playfully, scooting to the edge of her bed. 

 

When Rukiya rolls her eyes, Ryleigh takes advantage of the moment and pulls Rukiya onto the bed with her. Rukiya’s completely surprised and lands messily atop Ryleigh, who smiles at her like a child who’s managed to fool their parents. 

 

Ryleigh’s arm wraps around her, holding her in place, and Rukiya can’t help that her heart suddenly beats faster, that her cheeks suddenly feel warmer, or that suddenly she doesn’t want food but wants to stay right there, pressed against Ryleigh, and that she wants to kiss her best friend.  _ Except she’s your best friend, and your roommate - bad idea.  _ Rukiya takes a deep breath, trying her hardest to keep her eyes on Ryleigh’s eyes instead of letting her gaze drift to Ryleigh’s lips.

 

“You’re insufferable sometimes,” Rukiya says, trying to make her tone that of exasperation.

 

“Perhaps, but you love me,” Ryleigh grins, releasing her hold on Rukiya, who immediately puts some distance between them by sitting up. 

 

This is the worst part about Rukiya wanting Ryleigh in some way other than friendship. Ryleigh shows every sign of wanting the same thing. It’s in the way Ryleigh disregards personal space, or flirts back whenever Rukiya does. 

 

“Sometimes I wonder why,” Rukiya says mischievously. 

 

Ryleigh grabs at her heart in mock hurt and sighs so dramatically she might as well be in the theatre program. 

 

“You should have been a drama major.” Rukiya smirks before getting up with a shake of her head. “Come on, let’s go get food.”

 

As they walk to the union, Rukiya’s thoughts travel back to the woman walking next to her. She’s not sure how Ryleigh would react if she were to actually try something. Not that she would, because there’s a safety in the type of relationship they’ve developed. She loves that she feels comfortable with Ryleigh, that Ryleigh’s not going anywhere, that maybe one day, she can trust Ryleigh completely. There’s no reason to put all of that on the line for more.

 

So she keeps that stuff for the daydreams, keeps all her feelings to herself, and pretends there’s nothing unusual about Ryleigh kissing the top of her head after they finish a study session, or that it’s normal to fall asleep in your best friend’s arms several nights a week. 

 

\---

 

Rukiya is at a protest; Ryleigh wanted to come with but she had an exam today. As expected, the march started small, but it’s been steadily growing in size, especially once the news vans arrived. So far, it’s been a peaceful protest - nothing more than some shouting from anti-protesters towards protesters, or the occasional arrest when a protester steps into a guard’s space. 

 

Rukiya has her cell phone pointed at a dispute between a protester and a city guardsman, when suddenly chaos erupts around her. She hears gunshots quickly followed by people screaming and running in different directions. 

 

A city guardsman grabs hold of her arm, twisting it painfully, and demanding her phone. Despite Rukiya’s best attempt, she lets out a short scream as pain radiates up her arm. Using her free hand, Rukiya slams her palm into his nose, the guard yelps in pain, but instead of letting go of her, he shoves her to the ground.

 

Before Rukiya can fully comprehend what’s happening, a black blur abruptly collides with guard, forcing him to let go of her. She cradles her wrist just as the figure dressed in black, wearing a motorcycle helmet, strikes the guard hard in the face. The guard starts yelling for the figure to stop, just as their fist hits him again, cutting his scream short. 

 

Rukiya’s close enough to hear the figure say, “May the gods have mercy on you, because I won’t.” The voice is laced with rage, so it takes her a moment to recognize it, but when she does, her heart stops - it’s Ryleigh’s voice. 

 

“Stop!” Rukiya calls out, quickly getting to her feet. 

 

For a fleeting moment, Rukiya doesn’t think Ryleigh will stop, but her fist stops halfway to its target at Rukiya’s words. Ryleigh’s head turns in Rukiya’s direction, her face obscured from the helmet’s visor, but everything around them stills, the screams of the crowd mute, and Rukiya can practically feel the war raging inside Ryleigh. She has the guard pinned to the ground, her head continuing to swivel from Rukiya to the guard and back again.

 

“Please, stop…” Rukiya breathes. Maybe it’s her tone or the look of fear on her face, but her words have Ryleigh standing and moving away from the guard. 

 

Rukiya sighs with relief, but then the guard reaches for something on his belt and she hears two loud pops. It happens so fast. The world comes roaring back to life around her as Ryleigh staggers, clutching her side and falling to her knees. Fear travels up Rukiya’s spine, gripping her like an old friend, and her scream gets caught somewhere in her throat.

 

She must look terrified because Ryleigh’s on her feet in the next moment, grabbing Rukiya’s hand and dragging her through the crowd away from the city guard. Rukiya keeps stumbling and nearly tripping, the shock of everything preventing her from moving properly. Without prompting, Ryleigh scoops her up and runs with her through the crowded streets. At some point Rukiya presses her hand to Ryleigh’s chest, needing reassurance that her best friend’s heart is beating. They reach an alleyway far enough away from the protest that the screams, sirens, and gunshots are muffled by the buildings surrounding them. It’s then that Rukiya finally finds her voice. 

 

“Ryleigh, put me down. I can walk,” Rukiya demands. She  _ feels _ rather than sees Ryleigh’s eyes on her, the motorcycle helmet still hiding Ryleigh’s features. “I’m fine, Ry… really. Please, put me down.” 

 

Her best friend gently sets her down, pulling off her helmet with a wince. “I’m parked this way, come on.”

 

They jog a street further, when Rukiya spots a sleek, white motorcycle -  _ Dawnbringer _ , Ryleigh calls her. Handing Rukiya her helmet, Ryleigh digs through her saddle bag for a bandana, before tying it carefully around the bottom half of her face. When she shrugs off her jacket, the upper part of Ryleigh’s face contorts in pain, she holds it out for Rukiya to slip into.

 

“I’m not taking your jacket,” Rukiya firmly says, her eyes scanning Ryleigh’s body for injury. “You’re hurt.”

 

“I know you get cold when we ride. And… I’m fine,” Ryleigh says stubbornly, her eyes watering, giving away how much pain she’s actually in. 

 

“You’re not fine. Let me see,” Rukiya responds, her voice heated as she reaches out to touch Ryleigh’s side. 

 

“I’ll be fine. We don’t have time to argue about this, just put the damn jacket on.”

 

Rukiya sighs in exasperation, “ _ Fine. _ ”

 

She slips Ryleigh’s jacket on just a voice yells out, “Stop!” There are two city guardsmen running up the street towards them. 

 

“We have to get out of here,” Rukiya’s muffled voice must reach Ryleigh’s ears, because she’s quickly straddling her bike, the engine roaring to life. 

 

“I said STOP! Stop, or I’ll shoot!” 

 

Rukiya climbs onto the back of the bike, her hands immediately wrapping around Ryleigh’s waist.

 

“Hold on tight,” Ryleigh shouts as she kicks Dawnbringer into gear, her tires screeching against the pavement as they speed out of the city. 

 

It feels like the drive back to campus takes forever. It’s only after Rukiya realizes that Ryleigh’s taken three wrong turns that she speaks up. “Ry, I don’t think we’re being followed. Let’s just go home.” 

 

Ryleigh runs her hand over Rukiya’s, signalling she heard her. Within minutes they’re parking outside their dorm and trudging upstairs to their room in silence. As soon as the door closes, Ryleigh’s pulling Rukiya close, pressing a kiss to Rukiya’s forehead, and softly asking, “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m alright.” Rukiya’s arms circle Ryleigh’s waist and Ryleigh hisses in pain. “Shit, I forgot you’re hurt. Let me see, Ryleigh.”

 

“I’m fine,” Ryleigh says, but her protest falls on deaf ears as Rukiya gently lifts Ryleigh’s shirt. Ryleigh has two round, bloody wounds, one on her hip and the other on her ribs; both are surrounded by dark purple bruises.

 

“We need to clean each of these cuts. I’ll also grab some ice for the swelling.” Rukiya is already pulling away, her mind on what to do for Ryleigh’s injuries.

 

“Stop,” Ryleigh demands, catching her wrist before Rukiya can get far. 

 

“Ouch!” Rukiya yelps, her wrist still tender from where the guard grabbed her. 

 

Ryleigh immediately lets go, worry etched across her features. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” 

 

“It’s alright, Ry. I think the guard might have twisted it when he was trying to arrest me.”

 

“We need to ice your wrist too,” Ryleigh whispers, gently pulling Rukiya back into a hug.

 

Rukiya doesn’t fight it, instead she wraps her arms around Ryleigh, burying her face in the crook of Ryleigh’s neck. If she’s being honest with herself, she desperately needs this too. What if the bullets that hit Ryleigh hadn’t been rubber? It sends a chill down her spine, making her physically shiver. Ryleigh pulls her impossibly closer and mumbles, “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

 

\---

 

“So, how long have you and Ryleigh been dating?”

 

The question makes Rukiya choke on the rum runner she’d been sipping on. She coughs for a few seconds before turning wide, confused eyes to where the voice had come from. “Excuse me?”

 

It’s Urrak’s new girlfriend. She’s sitting on the far end of the couch, eyeing Rukiya with a furrowed brow. She’s clearly puzzled by Rukiya’s reaction to her question. It’s the end of the week and they’re at a party that’s being hosted by Seirixori’s girlfriend, Gunnloda. Ryleigh had just walked away to make sure Seirixori and Gunnloda ordered the right kind of pizza, which left Rukiya in the living room with a very curious new addition to their friends group. 

 

“You and Ryleigh,” the girl - Malica, if Rukiya remembers correctly - clarifies. “Have you guys been dating long? Did you two meet here at college?”

 

“We’re-” Rukiya tries to get her brain working again, while feeling the heat rise on her cheeks. She idly wonders how many drinks she’s had, it can’t have been that many. Maybe two, or three? “We’re not dating.”

 

Rukiya’s answer gets what can only be described as a shocked expression, Malica sort of rears back a little, looking at Rukiya like she’s just been told the world is flat and the sky is actually purple. “Wait… you’re not dating?”

 

“No,” Rukiya answers, the word slowly rolling of her tongue. Urrak returns from the kitchen then, handing her new girlfriend a drink, while grinning at both of them. 

 

“What are ye talkin’ ‘bout?” Urrak asks, catching Rukiya’s expression as she sits next to Malica. “Why do ye look like someone jus’ told ye we can teleport?”

 

“I was just asking about her and Ryleigh,” Malica confesses, taking the drink and draining nearly half of it in one go. “I thought they were dating.” She sends Rukiya an apologetic look, before adding, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

 

Urrak bursts into loud laughter, it continues for nearly fifteen seconds. Both Rukiya and Malica shoot her perplexed looks, neither of them getting the joke. Before anyone can say anything further, Ryleigh is walking back into the room, heading right for Rukiya. 

 

It immediately becomes obvious to her why Malica was convinced they were dating and what Urrak found so amusing. Ryleigh plops down on the armchair next to Rukiya, she reaches up to lace their fingers together, before tugging Rukiya down into her lap. 

 

The heat on Rukiya’s cheeks intensifies, her heart starts to thud a little quicker than usual, and she knows it’s not entirely from sitting on Ryleigh’s lap. That, she realizes, is a completely normal experience. Ryleigh is always touching her in some capacity, except now Rukiya notices Urrak is fighting a smile when she looks at them. She sees Malica raise a confused eyebrow when Ryleigh wraps her arm around Rukiya’s waist in a manner that’s more than just friendly. She leans her head against Rukiya’s shoulder and plucks the plastic cup out of Rukiya’s hand, taking a sip before her face sours at the taste of alcohol. 

 

It takes a few seconds, but Ryleigh eventually notices Urrak and Malica staring at them, and she’s likely picked up on the sudden stillness of Rukiya’s body. Ryleigh leans forward a bit to catch Rukiya’s eye, then glances warily at their friends. “What is it?”

 

Rukiya doesn’t want Ryleigh to feel self conscious about what she’s doing, so she slings her arm around Ryleigh’s shoulders like she always has and smiles at her. “Nothing,” she says, ignoring the pointed way Urrak takes a slow sip of her beer. 

 

Ryleigh looks at her completely unconvinced. Rukiya tries to relax under Urrak’s scrutiny, so she twists her fingers in the ends of Ryleigh’s braids, trying to reassure herself and Ryleigh that everything’s fine. “Did you get the right pizza ordered?”

 

Giving her a measured look, Ryleigh finally concedes, grinning a little and setting her chin on Rukiya’s shoulder. “Yes, no pineapple on my pizza, and I made sure they ordered you a salad,” Ryleigh whispers the last word like it’s a secret, making Rukiya laugh.

 

It’s odd. Rukiya came to college with zero intention of developing any significant emotional attachments. The ache left behind by Rinan’s death is slowly dulling as time goes on. Regardless, she was wholly unprepared for this girl in her life. A girl that is still unaware of the implications of her actions, unaware that holding hands and cheek kissing and lap sitting could all be easily misinterpreted.

 

Rukiya is startled out of her thoughts when Ryleigh laughs at something Seirixori says, the sound of it comes straight into Rukiya’s ear, while puffs of air from Ryleigh’s lips hit her neck. It makes her want to tangle her fingers with the ones spread across thigh, and she unconsciously leans back into Ryleigh’s warm embrace. As she takes her drink back from the blonde, Ryleigh smiles at her like she’s the only person she cares about in the room and Rukiya has to stop herself from leaning in to kiss her best friend.

 

She has to stop crushing on Ryleigh. Soon. Or she might ruin everything between them.

 

\---

 

Over the next few weeks, Rukiya tries to erase her feelings for Ryleigh. Anytime her stomach flutters, or she has the urge to kiss Ryleigh, she finds herself falling into bed with someone who isn’t her best friend.

 

The first time she does this, it’s with a guy she meets at the bar on campus. His name is Weston. He’s on the university’s wrestling team, has a great body, and most importantly, he likes that Rukiya takes control. She finds out quickly that what he lacks in experience, he makes up for in enthusiasm. Once they’re finished, Weston offers to walk her to her dorm. She gives him a quick peck and smiles before politely declining.

 

It’s well past midnight when she sneaks quietly into her room. Rukiya is expecting to find Ryleigh asleep, but instead the blonde is perched on her bed.

 

“You’re up late,” Rukiya says, shutting the door.

 

“I was worried when you didn’t come home. Then you didn’t answer when I called. I… I thought something happened.” Her voice is concerned and worry is etched across her features.

 

“Shit, Ry… I’m sorry.” And she really is. It should have occurred to her that being out this late was something out of the norm for her and that Ryleigh would notice. “I went out and I didn’t think to send a text that I’d be home late so you wouldn’t worry.”

 

Even though Rukiya knows she shouldn’t, she crosses the distance between them, coming to stop in front of Ryleigh. The blonde immediately wraps her arms around Rukiya’s waist, pulling her closer, and Rukiya’s arms betray her, wrapping around Ryleigh in turn.

 

“You don’t have to tell me what you’re doing, but could you leave a note or text me if you’ll be home late in the future?”

 

Rukiya runs her hand through Ryleigh’s hair soothingly. “I promise to next time, okay?”

 

“Thank you. I thought something awful happened to you…” Ryleigh takes a heavy breath, before chuckling a little. “Seirixori told me to wait until morning before I filed a missing persons report.”

 

“Remind me to thank her,” Rukiya laughs lightly.

 

The second time Rukiya tries to forget her feelings for Ryleigh it’s with a tan skinned elven boy named Dordan from her composition class. True to her word, she sends Ryleigh a quick text that she’ll be home late and not to wait up, before having a few drinks and heading back to his place. They take Dordan’s car and after a 15 minute drive they arrive at his apartment. He has broad shoulders, a kind face, and she learns that he has gentle hands. When he falls asleep, Rukiya scribbles a quick note of thanks, before leaving. No strings attached.

 

Once she gets outside Dordan’s apartment, Rukiya realizes she doesn’t have a way to get home. Sighing, she dials Ryleigh’s number. Ryleigh picks up on the second ring, but her voice is rough with sleep.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey…” Rukiya mumbles.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ryleigh’s voice sounds more alert now.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, Ry. I just… could you come get me?”

 

“Send me the address, I’m on my w-way.” A yawn comes through the phone at the last word.

 

Rukiya sends Ryleigh the address and she arrives on Dawnbringer 10 minutes later. Handing Rukiya her helmet, Ryleigh starts shrugging her jacket off, giving that to her too. For once, Rukiya takes both and doesn’t argue. The ride back to campus feels like it takes less time than the drive away from it, maybe it’s because Dawnbringer is faster than most cars and Ryleigh has a problem speeding or maybe it’s something else.

 

They’re walking up the stairs to their dorm when Ryleigh softly asks, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Rukiya smiles despite herself; Ryleigh’s a worrier. “I’m fine, I promise. I just didn’t think about how I was going to get home. Thanks for coming to get me,” she says, walking slightly in front of Ryleigh so she doesn’t have to read her expression.

 

Rukiya feels her best friend take her hand, bringing her to a stop. Ryleigh’s thumb rubs softly over the back of Rukiya’s hand as she says, “I’ll always come pick you up, no matter what time or where you’re at. I just want you to be safe.”

 

It goes on like this for about a month. Different people, different places. Even though they don’t talk about Rukiya’s “extra curricular activities” she knows Ryleigh’s aware of what she does on those late nights. One time, without any prompting, Ryleigh brings her a change of clothes and coffee to their joint 8AM sociology class. Rukiya changes into the clothes and takes a long sip from the coffee before thanking Ryleigh, who waves off her thanks with a kiss to Rukiya’s temple.

 

They grab food after class, and it takes Rukiya a moment to realize that Ryleigh’s pushing her fries around her plate. There’s also an anxious energy permeating off her. Finally, she says, “I have to go to Ascus this weekend.”

 

“Oh?” Rukiya reaches across the table, taking Ryleigh’s hand to stop her fidgeting fingers. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Ryleigh shakes her head, lacing their fingers together before saying, “I… it’s not something I’m ready to talk about yet, but maybe after I get back?”

 

“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

 

The two days before Ryleigh leaves for Ascus seem to fly by and before Rukiya knows it, they’re saying goodbye before her evening class with a long hug. After her class ends, Rukiya decides to grab a late dinner at the on-campus bar. That’s how she ended up here, stumbling down the hallway to her dorm with a fair skinned half-elven girl named Corya.

 

Rukiya’s fumbling with her keys, finally getting the door open just as the other girl says, “You’re sure your roommate’s gone?”

 

“Mmhmm, she’s back home for a few days,” Rukiya answers, pinning Corya to the wall inside the room. She all but moans, “I want your fingers inside me.”

 

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Rukiya hears someone clear their throat,  _ oh fuck _ . It’s quickly followed by the rustling of sheets, Rukiya flips on the light. Ryleigh’s hair is dishevelled from sleep and she’s rushing to throw some things in a bag.

 

“Ryleigh,” Rukiya breathes, her heart hammering in her chest.  _ No, no, no. _

 

“I-I’m sorry, my flight was… nevermind. I’ll go.” Ryleigh’s voice is strained.

 

“No, Ry… wait.” Rukiya hates how uncomfortable Ryleigh’s movements are.

 

“It’s fine, Rukiya. I’ll go to Seirixori’s tonight, I’m… shit, I’m sorry.”

 

As Ryleigh passes, Rukiya can see a deep red blush tinting her cheeks, and she purposely doesn’t look their direction. When the door closes behind her, Rukiya has the strongest urge to go after her, to explain or apologize, but Corya chooses that moment to speak.

 

“Well, that was awkward, but at least she left.” She starts kissing Rukiya’s neck, pulling her close so they can pick up where they left off.

 

Rukiya lets the sensation of Corya’s lips numb her mind, and it seems to work, right up until she comes. For the first time since all this started, Rukiya is disappointed to open her eyes and find green ones staring back at her instead of violet.

 

\---

 

Ryleigh didn’t come home at all over the weekend. She did, however, send Rukiya a few texts that she’d be staying at Seirixori and Gunnloda’s so Rukiya wouldn’t worry about Ryleigh, but she is worried.

 

They need to talk, but how can they when Ryleigh is avoiding her? By the middle of the week, Rukiya hasn’t seen Ryleigh at all since the incident. Ryleigh must come to their dorm, but it’s just long enough to change and grab her books, because Rukiya keeps missing her. This morning, Ryleigh skipped their joint class together. It’s the final straw. She isn’t about to lose Ryleigh over something this silly, even if it was embarrassing for both of them.

 

When class ends, Rukiya walks back to her dorm, hoping Ryleigh’s there. She isn’t. Next, she tries the student union’s cafeteria, where she spots Gunnloda.

 

“Gunnloda, have you seen Ryleigh around today?”

 

Gunnloda shifts uncomfortably before responding, “She stayed with us last night, but I haven’t seen her since this mornin’.”

 

Rukiya sighs, deflating slightly.

 

“Listen, hun. I think Ryleigh is just  _ workin’ out _ some things,” Gunnloda says with a knowing look and a light squeeze of Rukiya’s arm.

 

“Ah, I should have known.” Rukiya shakes her head as she turns to leave, heading for the school’s gym.

 

“And Rukiya…” Gunnloda calls out before she gets too far, “...you and Ryleigh have somethin’ special. It’ll all work out.”

 

Rukiya gives Gunnloda a brief smile before she continues walking towards the weight room, hoping Gunnloda’s right.

 

As she rounds the corner, Rukiya hears raised voices. Recognizing Ryleigh’s, she moves quickly into the doorway of the gym. Urrak’s cheek is bright pink, she’s in Ryleigh space, and her hand is gripping onto Ryleigh’s shoulder in a way that’s preventing her from moving away.

 

Ryleigh’s eyes are filled with tears, and her tone is a mixture of anger and hurt when she says, “Why Urrak? Why would you do that!” She’s so visibly upset, Rukiya can’t think of anything except getting Ryleigh somewhere safe. She steps into the room.

 

“Ryleigh? Is everything okay in here?” She tentatively asks. Rukiya can see Ryleigh’s mouth draw into a line, and her brow furrowing. She shakes her head ‘no’, clearly unable to get the words out.

 

“Ry… come on, I didn’t-” Urrak cuts herself off as Rukiya steps towards them.

 

Rukiya completely disregards that Urrak is almost a foot taller than her, and has nearly 100lbs on her. She keeps her eyes trained on Urrak’s golden ones as she puts her hand out towards Ryleigh. “Do you want to come with me, or do you need something else?”

 

Relief washes over Rukiya when Ryleigh takes her hand without hesitation, managing a soft, “with you.” Keeping her eyes on Urrak, Rukiya leads Ryleigh out of the room.

 

They make it across campus into their dorm before Ryleigh finally breaks down. She leans against the wall, sinking down to the floor before burying her face in her hands. Ryleigh lets out a few soft sobs before Rukiya takes a seat next to her. 

 

“Are you okay?” Rukiya gently asks.

 

Ryleigh’s body shakes as she answers, “No, I’m really not okay.”

 

Hesitantly, Rukiya takes one of Ryleigh’s hands in hers. “What happened, Ry?”

“Urrak kissed me,” Ryleigh whispers, her watery eyes finally meeting Rukiya’s.

 

Rukiya carefully rubs the back of Ryleigh’s hand. “And… you didn’t want her to kiss you?”

 

“Of course not!” Ryleigh half shouts, looking momentarily taken aback, then says, “This is all my fault.”

 

“What? Ryleigh, no. Where I come from, people are responsible for their own actions.”  

 

“People are always misinterpreting my affection for advances. I’m just… I don’t think I like people the way everyone else does…” Ryleigh looks away, her voice sounding lost. “Seirixori said she doesn’t think I understand the difference between platonic and romantic affection.”

 

It makes Rukiya’s chest tighten with emotion. She knows exactly what it feels like to not understand yourself. Rukiya releases Ryleigh’s hand to cup her cheek. “That’s still not your fault,” Rukiya gently whispers when Ryleigh’s eyes meet hers. “Unless you asked her to kiss you, that’s not acceptable behavior.”

 

Ryleigh’s eyes glance at her lips and it makes Rukiya’s heart beat faster. “What if I asked you to kiss me?”

 

Rukiya’s cheeks instantly warm.  _ Damn her body’s betrayal _ . “Why would you want me to kiss you?”

 

“Because you’re you,” Ryleigh says, her eyes refocusing on Rukiya’s.  

 

“That’s not really an answer… and kissing, that’s not something friends do, Ryleigh.”

 

“Maybe... I want to be more than just your friend,” Ryleigh mumbles.  _ Surely this is one of her daydreams. _ “You make me nervous, Rukiya.” Ryleigh reaches up to follow the angle of Rukiya’s brow, her eyes trailing the movement. “Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.” Her fingertips travel along Rukiya’s jaw to her mouth, Ryleigh’s eyes settling on her lips. “Other times it’s like I can’t get close enough to you. I don’t understand how to interpret all these feelings… I just know it’s different with you. That  _ I’m _ different with you.”

 

Rukiya’s breath hitches as Ryleigh’s fingers continue to ghost over her lips, making her head spin.  _ Gods, she’s making this difficult _ . “Ry… I’ll help you figure everything out, but first we need to talk. About Urrak. About what happened the other night.” Ryleigh slowly withdraws her hand, a crinkle forming between her brows, something flashing in her eyes that Rukiya can’t quite place. Rukiya automatically reaches out to soothe the crinkle while saying, “You’re important to me, and I… I need you to be sure that you want this, because I can’t lose you.”

 

Ryleigh nods, standing from her spot on the floor, reaching out a hand to help Rukiya up. “We should at least be comfortable, even if the conversation won’t be.”

 

Taking Ryleigh’s hand, Rukiya stands before leading them to her bed. They lay down facing one another, their fingers still intertwined in the space between them. 

 

“You were angry when I found you in the weight room earlier, but I know there’s more to it than that,” Rukiya prompts, giving Ryleigh an opening. 

 

“She didn’t ask…” Ryleigh swallows hard, her throat bobbing with the movement, and Rukiya feels angry at the admission “...it just reminded me that even if I fit in, or get close to someone, they’ll never understand.” 

 

“Understand what?”

 

Ryleigh shrugs, her eyes leaving Rukiya’s to focus on their joined hands. Rukiya waits, letting the blonde work through what she needs to. After several minutes, Ryleigh says, “I find people attractive, but I’ve never wanted to  _ be _ with anyone before.  I’m content with friendship. I’ve never felt like I’m missing out just because I’m not romantically involved with someone. But then, the other night, when you... ummm, when you said...” Rukiya watches Ryleigh’s cheeks slowly start to redden.

 

“When I said I wanted the other girl,” Rukiya finishes for Ryleigh, sensing neither of them could handle the exact words she spoke.

 

“Yeah,” Ryleigh continues, her eyes still not meeting Rukiya’s. “I was embarrassed because I know I wasn’t supposed to be home. It felt like an invasion of your privacy, but once I got to Seirixori’s I couldn’t shake the feeling of… envy?” 

 

Rukiya chuckles, bringing Ryleigh’s hand to her lips, which draws Ryleigh’s eyes back to hers. “It sounds like jealousy, Ry.”  

 

As Ryleigh’s blush deepens, Rukiya has to stop herself from closing the distance between them, to press their lips together. She feels her own cheeks start to warm at the thought. 

 

“I…” Ryleigh says, her tone nervous and unsure, “it was the first time I wanted something more than what we already had.” There’s a minute of silence, before Ryleigh is rushing out her next several words, “I was talking to Urrak about all my mixed up feelings when she kissed me. Apparently people have been teasing her about her friendship with me and she mistook what I was saying about you to be about her… and it was… my first kiss.”

 

That sends Rukiya’s brain reeling. How does anyone manage to get through 18 years without kissing someone. Shit, Rukiya must have been 4 or 5 the first time she kissed someone, and around 13 when she started kissing people using her tongue, by 16 she was having sex. And yet, the girl lying a few inches away from her didn’t have her first kiss until an hour ago, and it was forced on her.

 

“I’m sorry she wasn’t considerate… you deserve better than that.” Rukiya gets upset when Ryleigh shrugs dismissively. “Ryleigh, you do. You shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone or anything to do something you don’t want to.”

 

Ryleigh scoots closer to her, close enough that Rukiya can count her eyelashes, and whispers, “I want to kiss you.” 

 

“This isn’t like you. You aren’t impulsive like this.” Rukiya sits up, putting some much needed space between them so she can think clearly. She promised Ryleigh she’d never let anyone hurt her here, and she won’t let Ryleigh hurt herself by trying to feel something with her. “I’m sorry, Ry. You’re hurting right now, and making rash decisions. I can’t let you kiss me.”

 

It goes about as well as Rukiya thought it would. Ryleigh gets up from her bed, crosses the room before curtly saying, “I have to go get my things from Seirixori’s. I’ll be back later.” And she leaves.

 

Rukiya flops back down onto her bed, her hands coming up to cover face, groaning into the empty room.  _ Damnit _ .

 

It’s around 2am when Rukiya startles awake. The door to her dormitory swings open as she reaches to turn on the lamp. It clicks on revealing Ryleigh standing in their doorway, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“I didn’t expect to see you for couple of days,” Rukiya’s voice is raspy from sleep as she sits up.

 

Ryleigh moves to Rukiya’s bed, sitting on its edge. “Seirixori kicked me out.” There’s a small smile on Ryleigh’s lips. “She said I was being an idiot.” Ryleigh cautiously places her hand near Rukiya’s, allowing Rukiya to decide if she wants the extra contact. 

 

Taking Ryleigh’s hand, Rukiya answers with a soft, “Yeah?”

 

“I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that, and I shouldn’t have gotten upset with you. I know you were just doing what was best for me.”

 

Rukiya gently squeezes Ryleigh’s hand. “Are you feeling better?” She smirks and adds, “Despite Seirixori kicking you out.”

 

“Yeah, you were right… I needed some time to think over what happened between Urrak and I.” This is what Rukiya’s been waiting for, Ryleigh’s going to tell her it was all a mistake. She’s mentally preparing herself when Ryleigh says, “I still want to kiss you.”

 

_ Wait. What? _ Rukiya blinks a few times, letting Ryleigh’s words sink in, and noticing Ryleigh’s eyes have settled on her lips.

 

“I don’t want to push you or rush you… or hurt you,” Rukiya whispers.

 

“You won’t. I know you won’t,” Ryleigh says in an equally hushed tone, her breath mingling with Rukiya’s, whose heart is beating so loud she’s amazed Ryleigh can’t hear it. Her skin feels hot and everything she’s wanted for months  _ could _ happen.

“Ry,” Rukiya starts, her voice shaking, “Are you su-"

 

Ryleigh's free hand comes up, her fingers gripping the back of Rukiya's neck before she tugs them together, cutting off the rest of Rukiya’s sentence. Their lips move in tandem in an easy kiss, but to Rukiya, it feels like coming home, like everything she needs but shouldn’t want, all at the same time.  It’s short. Too short.

 

When Ryleigh starts to pull away, Rukiya chases her lips, making the blonde chuckle. She’s placing kisses across Ryleigh’s jaw and down her neck when Ryleigh says, “Rukiya, is this okay with you?”

 

“Stop talking, Ry, and put your lips on mine.”

 

\---

 

They’ve been dating for a few months now, and it’s been going really well. They hold hands, lay in each other’s arms, and spend a lot of time kissing, but every time Rukiya thinks it’s going anywhere, Ryleigh pulls away. She doesn’t press Ryleigh for answers at first, but eventually she has no choice but to confront the blonde about her behavior. Maybe Ryleigh’s not interested in anything more than kissing, or maybe she’s wildly insecure about what to do, since she’s inexperienced. Whatever it is, Rukiya just wants to know.

 

Currently, Rukiya’s straddling Ryleigh’s hips, a movie playing like white noise in the background as they kiss. Things start to heat up when Ryleigh’s strong arms wrap around Rukiya’s waist, pressing them closer together. Rukiya smiles into Ryleigh’s kiss, biting softly at her lower lip while tangling her fingers in long blonde hair. Making a content noise, Ryleigh’s palms slide under Rukiya’s shirt, her fingertips gently trailing over Rukiya’s heated skin.

 

Rukiya gets lost in the sensation of Ryleigh’s touch and is suddenly consumed with the need to feel bare skin against bare skin. She breaks their kiss just long enough to pull her shirt over her head, carelessly tossing it aside. When she moves back in to continue kissing Ryleigh, the blonde is wrenching her hands away from Rukiya’s body, her eyes squeezing shut. It looks like Ryleigh might throw Rukiya off her lap at any moment.

 

“Hey, hey,” Rukiya whispers, holding Ryleigh’s face in her hands and pressing their foreheads together. “Talk to me, Ry. Tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Ryleigh’s breathing heavily when she says, “I just need a second, I’m fine,” but her hands are clenched into fists at her sides.

 

“You’re not fine,” Rukiya counters, pulling back to look at Ryleigh. She gently cards her fingers through Ryleigh’s hair in an attempt to calm her. “Please talk to me, sweetheart.”

 

“Sorry,” Ryleigh breathes, slowly opening her eyes in response to the soft strokes of Rukiya’s fingers.

 

“Don’t be sorry. Just explain.”

 

Ryleigh’s fists unclench, her hands settling onto Rukiya’s hips. “I like kissing you and touching you. The feelings I have for you are intense, and sometimes it’s all just so… overwhelming.”

 

“Okay.” Rukiya moves her free hand to rest against Ryleigh’s chest, her heart thudding heavily in a way Rukiya’s not sure she’s ever felt. “Your heart is beating really fast, Ry. Can you explain to me what else you’re feeling?”

 

“Everything kind of… amplifies? The light feels blinding, the sound from the movie feels like it’s blaring directly into my ears, and sometimes the heat from your touch feels jolting against my skin.” Ryleigh’s eyes water as she adds, “It’s like I can’t stop feeling everything so intensely. I’m sorry...”

 

Rukiya gently shushes Ryleigh’s apology, her hands coming back up to cup Ryleigh’s face. “It’s fine, sweetheart.”

 

“But it’s not fine. I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you… because I do, it’s just… hard,” Ryleigh says, her eyes wide as they look up at Rukiya, who presses a kiss to the crinkle between Ryleigh’s brow.

 

“I don’t think that. I know you care and you’ve never made me feel unwanted.” Rukiya gives Ryleigh a brief kiss, keeping it short so she doesn’t upset her more.

 

“I don’t know what to do…” Ryleigh mumbles.

 

Rukiya sighs, feeling a little lost herself. “Why don’t we just take things slow. Anytime you start to feel overstimulated, you tell me and we’ll stop, or dim the lights, or turn off the documentary.”

 

“Rukiya…” Ryleigh breathes out her name, looking so defeated that Rukiya’s heart aches.

 

“Ryleigh, it’s alright,” She assures her, “If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, okay?”

 

A sad wrinkle forms around Ryleigh’s eyes, she bites at her lip in worry. “If it doesn’t work-”

 

“Then that’s okay, Ry,” Rukiya tells her in the most gentle voice she can manage. “This isn’t a dealbreaker for me.”

 

“I want it to work,” Ryleigh says, her voice so quiet that Rukiya melts towards it on instinct.

 

Rukiya pecks Ryleigh’s lips softly, keeping her kisses quick, just a soft pressure to relax Ryleigh. She smiles as the tension starts to drain from Ryleigh’s shoulders, eventually leaving her body. Rukiya decides to kiss her more solidly this time, pressing her chest in close and tangling her hands in Ryleigh’s hair. “I’m with you,” Rukiya reassures her, “With or without that.”

 

\---

 

They’re supposed to be studying. Finals are right around the corner. Okay, they’re four weeks away, but still. Rukiya’s notes for their joint sociology class are spread out on the floor, and they’re supposed to be going over them, but they aren’t.

 

Rukiya can’t be held accountable for the unstoppable need that shot through her when she realized how pretty Ryleigh looked while they lazily studied together. Her hair was loose and falling over one shoulder, the low cut collar of Ryleigh’s shirt was exposing a strong collarbone and a wide expanse of neck.  _ And _ why resist kissing her girlfriend if she doesn’t have to?

 

That’s how they ended up here, heatedly kissing, with Rukiya’s shirt tossed somewhere across the room, and Ryleigh’s hanging off the bed post. They’ve gotten this far before, eleven times actually - not that Rukiya’s been counting - but Ryleigh’s hands are dipping lower than they ever have before, insistently tugging at the waistband of her jeans.

 

The thud of Rukiya’s heartbeat feels distracting and she wills it to slow down, but she has no such luck, because Ryleigh pulls her pants down her legs in a swift motion. As Ryleigh settles back on top of her, she fits their hips together, and Rukiya can’t help but arch against the contact, a soft moan escaping her lips when the soft fabric of Ryleigh’s joggers rubs against the bare skin of her thighs.

 

Ryleigh rocks her hips, drawing another groan from Rukiya. Cupping Ryleigh’s cheeks, Rukiya brings her down for a slow languid kiss. Her body is already buzzing with need, but she doesn’t want to push Ryleigh too far. She wants to keep checking in with her.

 

“Are you okay?” Rukiya mumbles against Ryleigh’s lips. 

 

Ryleigh’s eyes sweep over Rukiya’s face before flicking down between their bodies. Rukiya feels the heat of Ryleigh’s gaze all over. 

 

“I’m okay,” Ryleigh says in a soft confession, trailing kisses down Rukiya’s jaw while sliding her hand across Rukiya’s ribs. The movement makes Rukiya’s heartbeat unsteady. Her breathing is erratic and Ryleigh’s touch feels electric against her skin. 

 

“Really? I just want to make sure that this is what you want,” Rukiya puffs out. She’s not really sure why she’s still talking, especially when Ryleigh’s teeth graze her pulse point. 

 

Ryleigh pushes up, her hand pressing into the mattress near Rukiya’s head. “I want this, and I want you, Rukiya.”

 

Rukiya smiles and it suddenly hits her that she’s nervous. If this continues, it’ll be Ryleigh’s first time, and it’s still something new for her girlfriend. On some level Rukiya wants it to be worth the wait for her.

 

Swiping her thumb across Ryleigh’s bottom lip, Rukiya says, “Yeah? Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you into something that is-”

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Ryleigh interrupts her. She places a kiss to Rukiya’s palm before adding, “Are you okay? Do you need us to stop?”

 

“What? No, I don’t need to stop. I’m fine.”

 

Skepticism crinkles Ryleigh’s brow. “You usually don’t talk this much.”

 

Rukiya feels a little indignant at that, scoffing lightly at Ryleigh’s comment. Ryleigh smiles down at her, kissing her cheek swiftly before saying, “Don’t be like that, I just wanted to make sure.”

 

“I’m fine,” Rukiya repeats. Ryleigh dips her head, kissing Rukiya deeply, and grinding her hips down. 

 

Rukiya gasps at the contact, accidently breaking their kiss. Ryleigh smiles reassuringly at her and after that everything kind of blurs. She doesn’t notice the slow roll of her hips into Ryleigh’s, or how it feels like there’s no air in the room. Her skin feels like it’s on fire, and when Rukiya comes, it’s with Ryleigh’s name on her lips and violet eyes boring into hers. 

 

It’s only them and it feels perfect.

 

\---

 

Rukiya and Seirixori drag Ryleigh out often enough that she’s slowly built up a resistance to her distaste for college parties or bars. The weekend is finally here and tonight they’re all going to the Cask to celebrate the end of term. Rukiya spots their friends all congregated at one end of the bar, huddled around a high top table and arguing about what kind of shot they want to take next. 

 

“Ryleigh!” Seirixori yells, running towards the blonde and colliding with her. Rukiya judges that Seirixori would have toppled them over if Ryleigh wasn’t so strong. 

 

When Seirixori pulls away from her hug with Ryleigh, she pulls Rukiya in next with a shriek of, “Rukiya!” 

 

“It seems the party started without us,” Ryleigh says with a chuckle.

 

“That’s what happens when you’re late,” Seirixori retorts, letting go of Rukiya and ushering them over the group.

 

“We got distracted,” Rukiya says with a mischievous smirk, and she catches the blush tinting Ryleigh’s cheeks as they reach the table.

 

“EW, stop,” Seirixori dramatically shouts, covering her ears. 

 

They order drinks and the night seems to be going fine, it’s not unlike any other time they’re all at the bar. Rukiya feels Ryleigh lean into her side, letting her control the flow of conversation while she sips at her soda. Inevitably Urrak will dare Ryleigh to do some sort of challenge - eating, a feat of strength, a game of billiards or darts.

 

They all laugh and tell stories about their week, excited that the school year is over. They steadily grow louder the more shots they order and before Rukiya knows it - she’s comfortably buzzed. Ryleigh smiles at her indulgently when Rukiya slips her hand under Ryleigh’s shirt, settling it at the small of her back. She must admit, it’s one of her favorite place on Ryleigh’s body. 

 

Everything is going fine, then suddenly Ryleigh’s entire body goes rigid and her head whips around. Having no idea what’s made the blonde so tense all of a sudden, Rukiya follows her gaze to see a group of boys at a booth across from them. They’re laughing and passing around a pitcher of beer. Rukiya shoots Ryleigh a puzzled look, but she’s just glaring in the direction of the boys. 

 

“Ryleigh,” Rukiya whispers, aware of how the rest of the group have started to notice the change in Ryleigh’s demeanor. 

 

“Assholes,” Ryleigh grumbles loud enough to be caught by the entire table. It’s rare for Ryleigh to curse - it usually only happens in times of intense emotion - and Rukiya feels a chill run down her spine. Ryleigh is  _ not _ okay. 

 

“What’s wrong, Alastair? D’ ye know ‘em or somethin’?” Urrak asks, but Ryleigh doesn’t even turn to acknowledge Urrak. 

 

“They’re talking about you,” Ryleigh says, shifting just slightly to indicate she’s referring to Rukiya. Seirixori is starting to look concerned, but Urrak just shrugs, turning back to chat with Malica. Ryleigh, however, is still glaring at the boys across from them, her jaw clenched so tight, Rukiya can see the muscle strain. 

 

“Why don’t we go outside, Ry? I could use some fresh air after that last whiskey,” Rukiya says urgently, sliding off her stool and gripping Ryleigh’s forearm. Seirixori also gets up from her seat, hovering just behind Rukiya, a look of concern on her face. 

 

“Ry, please go with her,” Seirixori insists, her eyes bouncing from Ryleigh to the group of boys. 

 

Rukiya tries to tug Ryleigh in the direction of the door, but it feels like she’s trying to pull a marble statue across the room. Luckily, it gets Ryleigh’s attention. She looks down at the hand Rukiya has on her arm with puzzlement. 

 

“Come outside,” Rukiya says warningly, “with me.” 

 

Ryleigh looks ready to argue, but Rukiya puts as much plea into her expression as possible. The anger doesn’t fade from Ryleigh’s features, but she nods and lets Rukiya lead them outside the bar and around the corner to a place of relative privacy. 

 

“I’m going to go back in there,” Ryleigh says as soon as they’re alone, “I’m going to walk right up to their table to tell them how I feel about what they said.” She’s pacing in front of Rukiya. 

 

“You are not,” Rukiya tells her, crossing her arms and trying to understand where all of Ryleigh’s ire is coming from. 

 

“They can’t talk about you like that. I  _ won’t _ let them,” Ryleigh argues, her eyes spiking with a savage anger. 

 

“Ryleigh, you need to calm down,” Rukiya says, sensing the almost palpable feeling of Ryleigh’s emotions warring inside her. 

 

“I’m calm.”

 

“You’re anything but calm right now.”

 

“You didn’t hear what they were saying!” Ryleigh shouts, pointing a finger at Rukiya as if she’s the one to blame. 

 

“I don’t care what they were saying, Ry,” Rukiya replies, and she really means it. She’s used to being talked about and there’s not much that hasn’t been said about her. Everyone has an opinion about her family, what they do, and at one point they had their opinions about her too. She learned how to tune it all out years ago. “People talk; let them. It doesn’t bother me.”

 

Ryleigh kicks a nearby dumpster at her words, the sound of it is so loud that Rukiya’s positive the bar’s bouncer is going to come flying around the corner at any moment. The metal container screeches across the pavement, careening away from them a few feet with a brand new foot-sized dent in the side. 

 

“Ryleigh!” Rukiya exclaims, rushing towards the blonde, who’s still seething. She grabs Ryleigh’s arm in a last ditch attempt to ground her. It works, sort of. Ryleigh sags suddenly against the brick wall of the building, blowing out a long breath. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Ryleigh says, shaking her head and putting her hands to her temple. She bends over as if she’s in pain, and there’s a wince forming on Ryleigh’s face that Rukiya recognizes. Rukiya slides her hand down Ryleigh’s arm to grab ahold of her hand, before she cups the back of Ryleigh’s neck with her other one. 

 

“Breathe with me,” Rukiya orders, bending to try and catch Ryleigh’s eye. “Hey, hey,” she says gently, but forcefully until Ryleigh looks at her. “Breathe with me, Ry.”

 

“It’s too much. I can’t - I can’t,” Ryleigh says, looking tearful, and Rukiya knows what she means. She moves to cradle Ryleigh’s face in her hands, trying to get Ryleigh to maintain eye contact with her. 

 

“Breathe with me,” Rukiya repeats, but Ryleigh just shakes her head. 

 

“I can’t,” she murmurs again, squeezing her eyes shut. “I just want to - it’s too much.” Ryleigh’s issue with sensory overload is often triggered when emotions run high. It’s only a matter of time before Ryleigh will start spirling into a panic attack if Rukiya can’t help her cope with the overstimulation. 

 

“I know, sweetheart,” Rukiya soothes, grabbing one of Ryleigh’s hands to bring it to her chest. She flattens Ryleigh’s palm over her sternum before continuing with, “Breathe with me. In and out, Ry. In and out.”

 

Rukiya breathes deeply, keeping her eyes locked onto Ryleigh’s violet ones. Ryleigh finally nods a little and starts to breathe in unison with Rukiya. 

 

“Good, you’re doing great, Ry,” Rukiya encourages, watching Ryleigh press forward until their foreheads connect and her eyes flutter closed as she focuses. Rukiya takes one audible breath after another, steady and slow. “Focus on me.”

 

It takes a good few minutes of just standing there together before Ryleigh relaxes, but Rukiya continues to tap the back of Ryleigh’s hand in time with her own heartbeat and repeats the soft command of “breathe”. 

 

“Focus on my heartbeat. Feel the rhythm of my breathing. I’m right here with you, Ry,” Rukiya whispers, her thumb stroking Ryleigh’s cheek soothingly. When Ryleigh finally opens her eyes, Rukiya’s happy to see the anger has faded from them and the muscles of Ryleigh’s arms are no longer coiled with tension. 

 

“Thank you for stopping me,” Ryleigh breathes.

 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Rukiya presses a chaste kiss to Ryleigh’s lips. “Do you want me to get the others and we can go somewhere else? Or would you like to go home?”

 

“Home,” Ryleigh says, “but you can go back inside and enjoy yourself. I’ll come pick you up when you’re ready. You shouldn’t have to miss out because of me.”

 

Rukiya waves Ryleigh’s suggestion away. “Let me settle the tab and tell the others. Wait out front for me?”

 

Ryleigh nods, heading around the building towards the front. Rukiya goes back inside, hurrying over to her friends.

 

“Is Ry okay?” Seirixori worriedly asks.

 

“She’s better, but she wants to go home. I’m going to walk with her.” Rukiya reaches into her pocket and hands Seirixori a few bills before giving her a quick hug. “I’ll keep you posted,” She says with a soft smile.

 

“Alright, call if you need anything,” Seirixori replies as Rukiya walks away. 

 

“I will.” 

 

Ryleigh’s leaning against the brick wall in front of the bar when Rukiya exits. Taking her girlfriend’s hand, they start the walk back to their dorm. 

 

“You should text Seirixori when we get home. She’s worried about you,” Rukiya says.

 

“Okay.” Ryleigh brings Rukiya’s hand to her lips. “I’m sorry you have to miss out because of me.” 

 

“I had enough fun for one night.” Rukiya pulls Ryleigh to stop and brings her in for a short kiss, as they pull apart Rukiya says, “Besides, now I have you all to myself.” Ryleigh grins at that, peppering Rukiya’s face with soft, swift kisses. It makes Rukiya giggle out, “Ryleigh!” 

 

And despite everything that’s happened, it feels like a perfect ending to her freshman year of college. 

  
  



End file.
